Why Putting Yourself First Is Not a Suggestion

If you keep putting others first, no matter how much you care, you’ll eventually end up depleted.

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish, it’s mandatory.

This week, this message kept whispering to me, until it suddenly got louder.

It showed up in conversations. During family emergencies. Even in quiet moments and I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Put yourself first.

Not as a suggestion. As a requirement.

We try so hard to be there for others. Especially the ones we love. We stretch ourselves thin, emotionally, physically and even financially thinking that if we just do a little more, show up a little harder, maybe it will ease their burden.

What we don't realize is,

We're pulling from an account that’s already in the red.

What happens instead? We lose balance of ourselves, our goals and our sense of direction. If you’re lucky, you’ll stop in time to salvage not just yourself but the relationship, too. That’s the hidden blessing.

What happens when we don't?

Our nervous system gets overwhelmed. We become moody, irritable, exhausted. We find ourselves snapping at small things, or shutting down completely.

And deep down, there's a quiet, unspoken frustration,

Why does it feel like I care more about their peace than they do?

Here’s the hard truth I’ve come to accept:

People will live their lives, with or without your help.

They will keep going. They’ll adjust. They’ll figure it out. While they move on, you’re left depleted. You’re the one who didn’t sleep, who didn’t eat, who said yes when you wanted to say no. You’re the one who paid the emotional toll.

There’s a reason airlines tell you,

In case of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.

Even before children or elders.

Think about that.

Even in a crisis, your survival has to come first because you cannot help anyone if you can’t breathe.

Yet so often, we treat other people’s crisis like it’s our emergency. Even subconsciously, we jump to fix it or to the rescue. In doing so, we slowly abandon ourselves.

We confuse love with overextension.

We confuse empathy with over involvement.

We confuse helping others with putting ourselves last.

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you don’t care.

It simply means you’re learning to care without overextending yourself.

Your Grandeur Journal Prompt:

I invite you to ask yourself,

Where am I pouring out more than I’m being filled?

Whose crisis am I carrying like it’s my own?

What might shift if I chose myself not out of selfishness but out of sanity?

This is about learning how to love without losing yourself.

It’s about breathing deeply, grounding your nervous system and being present in your own life, first.

You deserve that.

You need that.

And the people who truly love you?

They want you whole, not depleted from over giving and calling it love.

So take a breath.

Put on your own mask.

And choose yourself, first.

Do you know of someone who’s always showing up for others but rarely for themselves?

Forward this to them or share it on your socials. This might be the reminder they didn’t know they needed.

Let’s rise - together✨

With love and grace,

Lady D